Reflecting back there have been moments throughout my life where I believed if I looked this way or dressed that way I would be confident. If I only had that carrot I was dangling in front of myself to achieve the confidence I wanted, to not feel so unsure of myself.
Confidence isn’t an air of arrogance.
Like I once believed those people who had that confidence thing also must be arrogant, yeah sometimes that can be but that does not mean everyone. The people I have been surrounding myself with now and the media I am now consuming is people who are confident and what that confidence looks like is peace with who they are.
Peace doesn’t have to be doing meditation everyday.
Being at peace with who we are looks different for everyone. For example I notice myself being truly at peace with myself when I do things that bring me joy with others and on my own, sometimes this is journaling with a cup of tea other times it is being fully present with who I am around, enjoying myself so much to the point where I am completely out of my own head. Even the creation of this website was done with that peace, it was inspiring, fun and joyful.
Environments and people can shake this confidence and peace with who we are.
I notice myself having an ick reaction when I walk away from some environments like the ones where there is this competitive nature or overly controlling or where there is this arrogance. It just doesn’t put me at peace with who I am and it shakes my confidence, it makes me doubt myself even in moments where I shouldn’t. I am human and of course I respond to my environment, I try really dang hard for that response to be true to me but sometimes it is a reaction. Unfortunately there are a lot of systems like this for instance I think of grad school and some of the peers I was around it very much felt like this constant competition and if you weren’t comparing yourself than someone would outright do it for you, yuck. Not the best place for wellness and I also notice it happening in careers too especially for millennials (which I am one too) in conversations with friends in different fields and my own experience in the work force I know I am not alone in this. Millennials want to measure up to others and sometimes that is at a detriment to themselves and others.
So how do we get back to that confidence and that feeling of peace with who we are when we are not in an environment conducive to it from 8-5?
This is a question I have been asking myself and it is sooo much easier said than done. A big piece for me is I have made a soft rule at home to not talk about work, I say soft because there are some moments where shit has hit the fan and I need my partner to lean on. Another thing I have done is found my safe people that we raise each other up and inspire each other in the process. Most of these people are actually not anyone I actually work with they are my kick ass friends who are doing out of the box things that are inspired actions. We get re-energized off of each others energies and are able to see bigger picture instead of getting stuck in this one interaction that shook our peace and confidence - don’t get me wrong we still take the time to vent about that but we help get each other back on track too. Last but not least, self care - doing as much as I can to bring me joy to use the creativity, fun and ease that inspire me. For me self care is all about asking myself what sounds comforting and enjoyable to me right now in this moment from that this is how this website got created it was fun and I got to use my creativity that has been yearning to come out, other times it may be as simple as stretching or walking my dog.
Find your peace with who you are and bring out your true self, your true confidence, let your light shine through for us all to see.
Do what fits for you, do what you need, these are just examples of what has worked for me but I would be curious how you get back to your confidence when it waivers?